I start this post looking back on our fall and winter and cannot believe the amount of colds and virus' that have plagued us. From coughs to stuffy noses, to fever and a hospital stay for me. Recovery for me at home only to start the round again with 3 boys, 3 coughs and 3 fevers. And it seems to be spreading wildly through all our friends and homeschool coop.
My carefully thought out and planned homeschool lessons have gone awry, and it seems that the planning needs to be done week by week instead of quarter or semester. This time of illness and recovery and illness circle has forced me to not only slow down, but stop. Assess the immediate needs of my family and myself and give thanks that we are dealing only with inconvienences rather than serious medical issues. I wonder how many mothers would trade my circumstances to be home with their children rather then bedside in a hospital. And I offer up gratitude to this loving God that has given me the privledge to tend to my little ones, rather than rushing off to work. For the opportunity to hug, make soup, bring water, rub backs and stroke foreheads. To slow down and let go of the plans, and surrender to the chaos of the house and laundry and dishes piled in the sink.
And I silently ask, what door is this opening for me? I have asked and prayed for more quiet time. Time for centering prayer, knitting, reading, going with the flow rather than trying to control the flow. And I see that in letting go of the "shoulds", I have have gently invited the presence and action of the Holy Spirit to take the lead, today. Yet it is a constant letting go!! A constant reminder that "Not my will, but Thine be done." So i let go of the reins, and take them back again, and let go again and take them back again and learn this circle dance as best i can day by day. Practicing the steps to being more present, more loving and forgiving of my failures. Thankful that God's mercies are new each morning and at any time, i can rejoice in the Grace that is offered me. And offer it to those I love! These little ones that need some "loves" from their mama, that take comfort in my presence even when the teenager shrugs off the hair strokes; knowing that I am here. To soothe, to be here when needed and just hold the space for their healing to take place in comfort and safety.
And my thoughts turn to the words of Christ from the book of Matthew, " I am with you always!" I feel a peace, a softening, a hug from the Holy Spirit. In Gratitude I say "Thank you" Lord! For this time of healing, of reassessment, of slowing down and letting go of the nonessentials. For Friends who send cards, flowers and bring meals. Who take pleasure in serving our need and feed my spiritual body as well by being the hands and heart of Christ. I feel deeply loved!! Lovingly cared for and embraced whole.